Fifty – Memories Are Mine!

A man’s real possession is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.” Alexander Smith

 

          It rained most of last weekend and I decided to take on a long over due challenge of clearing out a storage closet. That’s when I came across a large box of photographs that I have for the longest time meant to put into photo albums and had not, because there were so many of them and I knew it would be time-consuming.

          I decided to make it a family project and enlisted the help of my three teenagers. I popped a large bowl of popcorn and the four of us gathered on the floor in the family room with all these pictures and album books.

          As I thought, it took hours to separate and place the pictures into the books, but that was largely due to the children looking at the pictures and then asking questions about them. Most of the photos were of them when they were small.

          I shared with them where we were and what we were doing at the time of the pictures being taken. I was amazed that they had very little remembrance of the occasions. There were pictures of them eating whiles sitting in their high-chairs and instead of the food going into their mouths they had decorated their faces with it. There were pictures of them learning to ride their bikes and of my daughter and I enjoying a tea party while dressed up like queens. There were pictures of us painting and reading and of their first day of school and even one of their first ride on the school bus. Even more pictures of their first zoo visit, swimming lessons, and even a picture when my youngest son at eighteen months was learning to ice skate, but was falling and mopping the ice with his body most of the time. There were many more of family picnics, camping, fishing and many, many other occasions.

          After all the photographs were placed and put away, I later came across a few picture albums that I kept from when my mother had died. I looked through each and realized I had no or little remembrance of some of the pictures that were within them. I then realized that the pictures that are/were taken maybe shared with others, but the memories are mine. For me, as well as for others to remember – how precious the thought of being able ‘to see’ a moment from time past.

Fifty – Dealing with others expectations!

A sensible human once said . . . “She’s the sort of woman who lives for others – you can always tell the others by their hunted expressions.”

                   C.S. Lewis

          This past week was extremely busy, especially with there being a religious holiday and the children being out of school for spring break.

          I was busy preparing special meals, desserts, planning fun activities for everyone to do . . . so I wouldn’t hear that “I’m bored” complaint from my teenagers, and trying to keep everything neat and in order that at the end of each day I was exhausted and felt unappreciated, at least in words.

          My daughter made an interesting comment; when she goes off to college that she “expected” me to continue with all of these “things” I do, because she would be coming home. This was my responsibility according to her.  This seemed to be the consensus of the rest of my children.

          I, however, informed them that it was nice to know that they enjoyed all of my labor to give them these special occasions, but I had other plans for myself.  They all dismissed my comment or indicated where ever I may be that they would be coming there for me to make it happen.

          Later in the week, I was listening to a friend talk about all that she did for her family and how badly they needed her to the point that she had not for years taken a vacation for herself, yet she was feeling unappreciated.  I listened to her talk about their expectation of her and how she felt they could not possibly get alone without her.  I repeated back to her what she was telling me in order to help her realize she had to have some expectations for her life also.  She finally convinced herself that she deserved a break and went on a vacation, but while she was on vacations she allowed them to call her constantly to the point that she should have just stayed home.

          I’m not sure how many people in this world live in that constant state of dependency.  Being fifty, I have understood that I have limits to what I do for others and what I must do for myself to stay healthy, sane and enjoy life.  For women especially, we often allow others to become too depended upon us to the point that we psych ourselves into thinking that others cannot function, nor manager their lives without us.

          I have made it a practice not to live like that, because it is not healthy for those you love and it causes you to have a resentful spirit towards them. Why would you want to put them and yourself in that position anyway?  One day you are not going to be there anymore and wouldn’t you rather know that they can handle the day-to-day life challenges because you have allowed them to or shown them how to.

Think about it, how are you dealing with other’s expectations?